


where death goes, numbness follows

by darkknight



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Don't let the major character death scare you!, Established Relationship, Happy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 21:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkknight/pseuds/darkknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's plane crashes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where death goes, numbness follows

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed writing this more than I should...
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin nor it's characters.

BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep  
  
Merlin groaned, what was that sound?

He turned around and saw Arthur's figure disappear into the bathroom, what the hell was he doing at this time a day?

Merlin groaned again, he didn't feel like getting out of the bed, it was too comfy and after months of stress thanks to his finale exams, he had finally graduated from uni and he was free, and damn if he wasn't going to use that freedom to catch up on sleep then there was no reason to live. He _deserved_ this, after all those months just studying and stressing about his finales he had the freedom to do whatever he pleased.

* * *

Merlin didn't know when he had fallen asleep again, but the next thing he knew Arthur was shaking him.

"What?" He mumbled into the pillow.  
  
"I'm leaving, aren't you going to say goodbye?"  
  
Merlin felt a bit confused, why was Arthur le--- oh right! He was going on some business trip to Italy to meet up with his father who was already there and start setting up the new headquarters that was suppose to be there.  
  
"Goodbye." He mumbled, too tired to lift his head from the pillow or even open his eyes. He reminded himself that he deserved this.  
  
He heard Arthur chuckle beside him, and then Arthur's lips on his cheek. "I love you, see you in a week." He felt the bed rise as Arthur got up.  
  
"Love you too." He said, this time his voice above a mumble.  
  
And some seconds later he heard the front door of the flat close and Merlin was lulled into the darkness for the second time that morning. Or at least he thought it was morning.

* * *

 

The following week was pretty nice for Merlin, no need to study or stress for some upcoming finale, or no skipping sleep, or meals. It was great really, except for the whole missing Arthur thing.  
  
He and Arthur talked over the phone on the nights, when Arthur wasn't in hour long meetings or going over some business plan with some Italian colleague or his father.  
  
It was nice, but it wasn't the same, he couldn't see Arthur, couldn't touch Arthur. But he got to hear Arthur's voice and that's what mattered for the moment, it was enough.  
  
Arthur was coming back tomorrow, he'd told Merlin that it was no idea to even bother to come and pick him up from the airport since Merlin would likely forget, to which Merlin defended himself, pretty badly, it wasn't his fault that he could sometimes forget things. But he would be waiting for Arthur when he got home. The thought put a smile to Merlin's lips. Just 24 hours, Merlin thought to himself, and then he's all yours again.

* * *

 

Merlin awoke with a groan, there was someone ringing the doorbell. Who in there right minds would be here at... - Merlin looked at the clock on the bedside table, 12:03. Oh, that's socially acceptable. - But still, didn't whoever at the door know that Merlin had just graduated uni and was catching up on sleep?  
  
The doorbell rang again, this time longer and Merlin forced himself up with a groan.  
  
He walked to the door in just his pyjamas pants and rubbed his eyes. If this wasn't important then he was going to murder someone, Arthur wasn't getting in from Italy until late evening, so he had every right to sleep in.  
  
When he opened the door he found a grinning Morgana leaning against the wall of the corridor.  
  
"Morgana? What on earth are you doing here? At this hour?" Merlin asked her frowning.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "It's noon Merlin."  
  
"Still, I'm a graduate from uni, noon is 6am for me."  
  
Morgana just shook her head and smiled. "Are you going to let me in?"  
  
Merlin just sighed but opened the door more wide for her nonetheless.  
  
"So, what's so important that you couldn't call like normal people?" He asked later when they were seated by the kitchen counter with tea.  
  
"Arthur's coming back tonight, are you going to surprise him with something?" She smirked.  
  
"And you couldn't ask me this over the phone because?" He waved his hand a bit as he tried to understand why she couldn't of just called.  
  
Morgana sighed. "Just answer the question Merlin."  
  
"Well, no?" He hadn't really thought of anything, he just thought he'd wait at the couch until Arthur got home and then ---  
  
"Thought as much." Morgana said interrupting his thoughts.  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?"  
  
"Oh, nothing, but I thought we could celebrate, instead of Arthur coming here, he can come to the pub and we could all celebrate his success, after all it's his first huge thing at the firm." Morgana explained.  
  
Merlin hadn't really thought of it, and it did sound fun. "Yeah, let's do that." He found himself nodding.  
  
"Excellent!" Morgana grinned. "Now, here's how the plan will work, I'll pick him up at the airport and take him directly to the pub where you, Lance, Gwen, Leon, Percival, Gwaine and Elena will be waiting. Sound alright?"  
  
"Why do you get to pick him up?"  
  
"Because you'll forget."  
  
"Why does everybody keep saying that?"  
  
"Because you do!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Oh really, how about the time when you forgot to pick up Gwen after she visited her brother in Scotland, or when you forgot to pick up Gwaine and Elena from their trip to Wales or when you--"  
  
"Fine! Stop, I get it." He held up his hands in surrender.  
  
"Great, then I'll see you tonight at the pub around 7pm alright?" She asked as she got up to leave.  
  
"Yup, got it, 7pm at the pub." He smiled at her as he walked with her to the door.  
  
"Don't dare be late!" She said as she got out of the flat.  
  
"See ya!" He yelled after her retreating figure.

* * *

 

"Hey mate, where are you? You're going to be late." Gwaine said over the phone.  
  
"I know, I know, I feel asleep some time after Morgana got here, and I just woke up." Merlin said as he was getting his shoes on, Morgana was going to kill him if he was late.  
  
"You graduated a week ago, you still haven't gotten back on a normal sleeping schedule?"  
  
"Nope, you see people don't let me sleep so it kind of fails."  
  
Gwaine's laughter filled Merlin's ear next as he was getting his coat off the hanger. "Just hurry up alright, Morgana's going to be here with Arthur in 20 minutes or so."  
  
"Yeah I will, see you soon." And with that he hung up.  
  
Just as he was going to put on his coat, the doorbell rang. Frowning Merlin opened the door.  
  
The site that was before him confused him and set a deep horror in the pit of Merlin's stomach.  
  
Morgana was standing in front of him, shaking, with dried tears on her cheeks.  
  
"Morgana?" He asked, he was all hoping this was a trick, and he dearly hoped that what he thought wouldn't come out of Morgana's mouth.  
  
"Morgana, what's going on?" He asked again when he was met with silence. "If this is some sort of game or some--"  
  
"Arthur's dead." She said it so quietly he wasn't sure he heard her right.  
  
"W-What?" He prayed that Morgana hadn't said what she just had.  
  
"H-He's dead Merlin. Arthur's dead." This time she said it more louder, and new tears fell from her eyes.  
  
"No, no, he can't be, _no._ " Merlin was shaking his head. No, he was meant to go to the pub and Arthur would come right though the doors. He couldn't possibly be dead.  
  
"His, his planed crashed, they, um, they told me at the airport, it crashed right over the ocean, there's no survivors."  
  
Merlin slammed the door shut. No, this couldn't be happening. Arthur couldn't be dead.  
  
He threw the coat on the floor together with his shoes.  
  
He was shaking violently and when Merlin reached up to touch his face he found it wet.

When had he started to cry?  
  
He collapsed on the couch, hugging the first pillow he caught. He couldn't go any further, it felt like his whole world was crashing all around him. He shook his head once again and pinched himself, maybe it was all just a dream, a real horrible dream. Maybe he had fallen asleep after all after Morgana went.  
  
It wasn't a dream. Fuck.  
  
He took out his mobile and called Arthur's number. "Pick up, pick up, pick up. Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, just pick up." He whispered into the phone.  
"Hello, you have reached Arthur Pendragon ---" Voicemail.  
  
Merlin threw the phone against the wall and let out a sob as he hugged the pillow tighter. This couldn't be happening.

* * *

He didn't know how long he stayed curled up on the couch just sobbing, but after some time the sobs stopped and so did the tears.

Merlin felt empty, like something has just been ripped from him.  
  
In a way, it sort of had.  
  
With a shaking hand he grabbed the TV remote and turned it on, switching channels until he found a channel that was reporting the accident. He needed to know if maybe there had been survivors, and maybe Arthur was one of them.  
  
"As we earlier reported, there was a plane crash just outside of the French coast as a plane heading for London from Rome, Italy crashed right over the ocean just a few hours ago. People are greifing the one's they lost as the police earlier announced that there were no survivors, and for those holding out hope that maybe their loved ones are still alive, the police sadly informed that there was no chance anyone could of survived the crash, the police also stated that all the remains of the bodies have been found and as soon they're identified the families would be notified."  
  
Merlin turned of the TV, suddenly aware of how loud it was. It was a horrible noise and Merlin just wanted it to stop.  
  
The sobs wrecked out of him yet again. There was no chance that anybody had survived.

Arthur really was dead.

Merlin slowly got up and made his way to the bedroom.  
  
He laid on Arthur side and hid under the covers. The pillow still smelled like Arthur, which just made the tears come faster.  
  
It suddenly hit him that he was never going to see Arthur again, not even at the funeral, his body too damaged.

Merlin clung to the sheets.  
  
He was never going to see that smile that lit up Arthur's face.  
  
He was never going to see Arthur when he was hunched over some paperwork and having that extremely focused look on his face.  
  
He was never going to see Arthur look tired, confused, angry, happy, sad, hopeful, excited, sleepy.  
  
He was never going to hear his voice.  
  
That beautiful voice that Merlin loved with that sort of posh accent.  
  
He was never going to hear him sing in the shower.  
  
He was never going to hear him whisper things into Merlin's ear when they were cuddling on the couch or in public when they were out with their friends and Arthur wanted to tell him something, it could be something meaningless or something sweet that stayed in Merlin's memory forever.  
  
He was never going to touch him again.  
  
He was never going to feel his lips on his lips, or on any other part of his body.  
  
He would never feel Arthur's skin against his skin again.  
  
He was never going to wake up with Arthur's arms holding him, with Arthur looking down at him, sleep still tingeling his eyes.  
  
He would never make tea for Arthur in the mornings while he made breakfast, or when he got home late and was just exhausted.  
  
The thoughts made Merlin's sobs more violent, they ripped though his whole body. It _hurt_.  
It felt like someone was stabbing him repeatatly.

Somehow Merlin feel asleep, accepting the darkness that fell around him. Anything to let him forget. Anything not to feel this pain.

* * *

He woke up to feeling someone stroking his hair.

For a moment Merlin thought the other day had been just a terrible dream, that Arthur was here and _alive_.  
  
He liked the thought, he was scared to open this eyes, 'cause what if it wasn't Arthur? What if he was still dead?  
  
Merlin desided to take the risk and open his eyes.  
  
Disappointment hit him hard. Looking down at him with sad eyes was his mother.  
  
He let out a small sigh.  
  
"It wasn't just a dream then." He said, his voice horse from all the crying.  
  
Hunith shook her head. "No it wasn't."  
  
Tears began to escape Merlin's eyes again. It must be official if his mother was here. She must of gotten on the first train here when she heard the news if she was already here so soon.  
  
"I don't want him to be dead mom. He wasn't suppose to die." The sobs wrecked out of him again as he clung to his mother, crying into her chest as she stroke his hair while holding him.

* * *

Merlin woke up with a huge headache, great, just what he needed.

He looked around but his mother was nowhere in site. He desided to get up and look where she was.  
He found her in the kitchen making tea.  
  
"Oh good, you're up. I've made some tea." She put a cup in front of him as she sat down by the counter.  
  
Merlin just nodded his thanks.  
  
Hunith grabbed his free hand with hers which made Merlin look up.  
  
She gave him yet another sad smile. She didn't say anything to Merlin's relief. She knew what it was like, after all his father had died not long after he was born. She knew he didn't want to hear something stupid as _'It's going to be alright.'_ or _'They haven't contacted you yet, which means there's still a chance.'_ It wasn't comforting at all, if anything it just made everything worse.  
  
They sat like that, drinking tea with their hands together for a while. It was nice having his mother here, but he wanted to be alone, he didn't want his mother to see him like this.  
  
"Have you eaten anything?" She asked after some minutes had passed.  
  
Merlin just shook his head, he had no idea what day it was anymore, and with everything he haven't thought about eating.  
  
"Do you want me to make something?"  
  
"No, it's alright."  
  
"Merlin, you have to eat something."  
  
Merlin looked up from his cup of tea to his mother. "I don't have to do anything!" He held back the tears that threaten to fall. "He's dead, if I don't want to eat. then I don't have to! You can force me to do anything!" He looked right in his mother's eyes.  
  
"I only want what's best for you Merlin, you know that, but you have to eat, Arthur wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."  
  
Merlin let go of his mother's hand and go up. " _Arthur wouldn't want me to do this to myself?!_ " He repeated. "Then he shouldn't have died, he shouldn't have gone to Italy in the first place, he shouldn't of--" He cut himself of as the tears broke from his eyes. His voice now empty. "I just, I miss him mom. Everything's just..." He shurgged. Everything felt so worthless without Arthur.

"Sweetheart." Hunith came up and hugged him.  
  
They stayed like that for a while.  
  
The next he knew the front door opened and a voice called out "Merlin?"  
  
Merlin froze in his mother's arms, no it couldn't be.  
  
Hunith let go of him and went to the hall.

Merlin didn't know what to do, this couldn't be it.  
  
After a while Arthur came into the living room, wearing a grey suit with his hair a little wild.  
  
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" He shouted as he shooking his head. "You're _dead._ " Great, he was hallucinating now. "You aren't real!"  
  
" _Mer_ lin." Came his mother's voice.  
  
"No, Hunith is alright." Arthur replied to her.  
  
Merlin frowned, this couldn't be happening.  
  
"I'll leave you two alone." With that Hunith left the flat.  
  
Arthur walked up to him. "Merlin--"  
  
"No! You are suppose to be dead, you're plane _crashed_!"  
  
"I wasn't on the plane Merlin." Arthur said camly, looking right in Merlin's eyes.  
  
Something snapped inside of Merlin.  
  
He pushed at Arthur's chest and started to punch it. "You fucking bastard!" He gave Arthur another push. "And you couldn't call like normal people?! Couldn't say that _oh sorry, I wasn't on the fucking plane, sorry if you thought I had died!_ " He punched Arthur's chest again.  
  
"Hey, hey." Arthur caught Merlin's wrists and pulled him against him. "Calm down and listen to me alright," He started waiting for Merlin to stop trying to get out of his grip. "Good," He said after Merlin sighed and stopped, he didn't have the energy to anyway. "My last meeting before my flight went on for longer that was planned, and when it was over I didn't hear about the news until I tried to book another flight and they told me about the accident, I tried to call you but your phone just went to voicemail. I tried calling everyone else but they wouldn't answer. It wasn't until I was boarding for my flight that Gwaine called me back, he told everyone else but he couldn't get a hold of you. What happened?" Arthur was looking down at him with worried eyes.  
  
"I thought you had died." Merlin replied with a scratchy voice. "I tried calling you last night, or at least I think it was last night, but your phone just went to voicemail so I threw mine against the wall."  
  
"Merlin." Arthur let go of his wristed and put his hands on Merlin's cheeks.  
  
"It was _hell_ Arthur. I didn't know what to do, I slammed the door in Morgana's face when she told me, I didn't want to believe it, but it was your flight that crashed into the ocean, it was your phone that went straight to voicemail. I just.." A sob escaped his lips.  
  
Arthur sighed. "I'm here, I'm not leaving." He said as he first kissed Merlin's forehead, then the tears that rolled down his cheeks and then finally his lips.  
  
Merlin clung on to Arthur's shirt. It all felt surreal in a way. A voice in his head was telling him this was all a dream, but Merlin knew this was real, the heat from Arthur's body under his hands, the feel of his soft lips on his. It was _real_.  
  
Arthur pulled back way too soon for Merlin's liking. "I'm sorry." He said.  
  
"You don't have to apologize." Merlin said without a beat of hesitation, even thought he had blamed Arthur earlier for dying, he never wanted him to feel that it was his fault.  
  
"But I do, everything you went though, I should of found a different way to contact you, I should--" Merlin cut him of with a kiss.  
  
"You don't, all that matters is that you're here now, that you're here and _alive_." Merlin said looking up in Arthur's eyes, and it was true. Nothing mattered right now besides the fact that Arthur was here and alive.  
  
Arthur kissed him again, this time the kiss was a bit more desperate.

* * *

It would take Merlin some getting used to the fact that Arthur wasn't dead, take awhile to make the fear of losning him disappear. So if held on tighter to Arthur or if he kissed him longer before he left the flat, no one mentioned it.


End file.
